Is it possible to forgive a murderer? Would you be able to forgive the person who MURDERED someone you loved very deeply? This was the subject of the movie “Amish Grace” shown on the Lifetime Movie Network. The movie is based on a true story about the Amish community who within the fabric of their beings embraced the thinking which is the scaffolding of forgiveness. This community demonstrates how difficult it is to forgive even when deeply steeped in religious beliefs forgiveness is engrained. They also demonstrate how powerful forgiveness is in the healing of the soul.
On October 2, 2006 Carl Roberts entered into a one room school house in the Amish community of Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. He lined up 11 young girls and shot them at point blank range. Roberts killed five of the girls and then killed himself. In an amazing act of courage the oldest girl, 13-year-old Marian Fisher asked Roberts to shoot her first. She hoped that she could spare the lives of the younger girls. And what was even more remarkable was that in just a few hours after the shooting an Amish neighbor went to the Roberts family to comfort them and to offer forgiveness.
A grandfather of one of the girls killed was telling the boys to forgive what had just happened as they prepared the body of one of the little girls for burial. How many of you could have done that? How many of you could have told the young boys that “We must not think evil of this man?” Yet these were the words of the grandfather. And what is even more unimaginable is that five days later the families who lost their daughters attended the funeral of the man who had killed them. They went not in anger or for retribution, but to comfort the family and let them know that all was forgiven.
The Amish learned to let go of their pain and suffering. What makes the Amish so remarkable is that they chose to see, using the words of Jerry Jampolsky, “the light instead of the lampshade” and saw the situation with spiritual sight, that although what this man did was an act of evil – inwardly, it was a cry for help. They were able to go beyond what their physical eyes were telling them and recognized that Roberts too was worthy of love. They were able to see Roberts not through the lens of anger, fear or guilt, but through the eyes of understanding and compassion.
As we struggle with our own difficulties in being able to forgive, we also open ourselves up to a benevolent force which is far more powerful than we could ever be. This creative force which is sometimes experienced as grace, is that inexplicable power which comes from something beyond ourselves. This power gives us the ability to forgive even when we feel within our hearts, forgiveness is humanly impossible. This moment of grace creates a profound interior renovation which completely changes the way we think. Instead of perceiving the situation through our judgments we see things differently, through what I call spiritual sight. When it happens, you can feel the power and presence of a higher intervention which transforms your relationships as you experience an outpouring of this inexplicable love.
This is the love which enabled the Amish to pray for everyone involved in what took place on October 2nd, not only for the innocent little girls who got killed and those still to recover, but for the killer himself. They knew that by expressing love it would bring about healing for all those concerned, whereas to take on and express the same evil as the attacker, that would only support evil and allow it to spread. The Amish learned that when we forgive we let our pain go.
Showing posts with label power of forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label power of forgiveness. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Forgiveness Persons of the Week - The Michael Cooney family
Forgiveness stories are inspiring. Reading about the Cooney family is no exception. On Thursday, March 18th, 2010 a hearing took place in which the family of a Duluth murder victim begged for the mercy. The entire courtroom including the judge was riveted by what they heard.
The story began last July when Curtis Cooney was shot in the head and killed by a man named Philbert “Randy” Barnes who was firing a gun into a crowd of people. In January “Randy” Barnes was convicted of 2nd degree murder and 2nd degree attempted murder. This past Thursday the judge handed down the sentence. Both families were present. But before the judge spoke of his sentence the Cooney family wanted to speak.
Heidi Cooney, the victim’s mother began by saying “I was raised to be forgiving, and if you want others to forgive you you need to forgive.” Curtis Cooney’s sister began to cry commenting that she lost her best friend that night. The two of them had a very special bond. Then Curtis’s father reminded everyone that “If Curtis could be here today he would forgive you, and so do we.” Cooney Sr. asked the judge to show Barnes mercy.
The Barnes family was also present in the courtroom. The older brother, tearfully apologizing to the Cooney family begged for forgiveness. Then the judge acknowledged that what he heard was extraordinary and he would take into account all that was said. After a brief recess the judge announced the sentence. Barnes was to receive 14 years in jail for attempted murder and 29 years for murder to run concurrently. Judge Johnson told those in the courtroom that it was because of “the grace of the Cooney family” he elected to sentence Barnes concurrently. The court was moved by the fact that the Cooney family forgave Barnes and that it wasn’t looking for retribution. The judge felt that it was “extraordinary” in the way the murder victim’s family and the defendant’s family came together. Steven Bynum, Barnes brother walked over to Michael Cooney and shook his hand and rubbed his cheek. Bynum then expressed his thanks to the Cooney family for the “grace, love and compassion” they extended to his family.
Once outside the courtroom Cooney Sr. said “If you’re truly consumed with hate and bitterness, that hurts you more than anything else. Carrying around hate and rage is not good for a person. Once you forgive someone, the healing process can truly begin.”
Steven Bynum responded by saying “We want Curtis Cooney’s family to have peace and that they can go forward in the joy and love of the Lord, that’s the most important thing. . .The absolute love and mercy that the Cooney family has shown to our family is just unforgettable. . . The second most important thing is that my brother have the opportunity to rebuild his life again and to take stock in what has happened. The greatest honor that he could give to the Cooney family, to Curtis and to all of us that love and support him is that he build his life anew, that he find God, and that he takes that love and joy and extends it to others. Today was an example of the power of forgiveness and redemption and reconciliation.”
When reading this, what thoughts did you have? I would appreciate hearing them. If you have a forgiveness story you would like to share please submitted through my website www.dreileenborris.com. By sharing your stories and your struggles it will touch many other lives. You can learn more about how to forgive in “Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting go of Anger and Bitterness” published by McGraw-Hill.
The story began last July when Curtis Cooney was shot in the head and killed by a man named Philbert “Randy” Barnes who was firing a gun into a crowd of people. In January “Randy” Barnes was convicted of 2nd degree murder and 2nd degree attempted murder. This past Thursday the judge handed down the sentence. Both families were present. But before the judge spoke of his sentence the Cooney family wanted to speak.
Heidi Cooney, the victim’s mother began by saying “I was raised to be forgiving, and if you want others to forgive you you need to forgive.” Curtis Cooney’s sister began to cry commenting that she lost her best friend that night. The two of them had a very special bond. Then Curtis’s father reminded everyone that “If Curtis could be here today he would forgive you, and so do we.” Cooney Sr. asked the judge to show Barnes mercy.
The Barnes family was also present in the courtroom. The older brother, tearfully apologizing to the Cooney family begged for forgiveness. Then the judge acknowledged that what he heard was extraordinary and he would take into account all that was said. After a brief recess the judge announced the sentence. Barnes was to receive 14 years in jail for attempted murder and 29 years for murder to run concurrently. Judge Johnson told those in the courtroom that it was because of “the grace of the Cooney family” he elected to sentence Barnes concurrently. The court was moved by the fact that the Cooney family forgave Barnes and that it wasn’t looking for retribution. The judge felt that it was “extraordinary” in the way the murder victim’s family and the defendant’s family came together. Steven Bynum, Barnes brother walked over to Michael Cooney and shook his hand and rubbed his cheek. Bynum then expressed his thanks to the Cooney family for the “grace, love and compassion” they extended to his family.
Once outside the courtroom Cooney Sr. said “If you’re truly consumed with hate and bitterness, that hurts you more than anything else. Carrying around hate and rage is not good for a person. Once you forgive someone, the healing process can truly begin.”
Steven Bynum responded by saying “We want Curtis Cooney’s family to have peace and that they can go forward in the joy and love of the Lord, that’s the most important thing. . .The absolute love and mercy that the Cooney family has shown to our family is just unforgettable. . . The second most important thing is that my brother have the opportunity to rebuild his life again and to take stock in what has happened. The greatest honor that he could give to the Cooney family, to Curtis and to all of us that love and support him is that he build his life anew, that he find God, and that he takes that love and joy and extends it to others. Today was an example of the power of forgiveness and redemption and reconciliation.”
When reading this, what thoughts did you have? I would appreciate hearing them. If you have a forgiveness story you would like to share please submitted through my website www.dreileenborris.com. By sharing your stories and your struggles it will touch many other lives. You can learn more about how to forgive in “Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting go of Anger and Bitterness” published by McGraw-Hill.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Forgiving the Affair
You think your marriage is fine and then one day you notice something which you begin to wonder about. You begin to get anxious feelings that perhaps something is going on. At first you may ignore this and then something else triggers those uneasy feelings. You may deny what are actually tell tale signs until one day it hits you in the face. You are overcome with the sick feeling that your partner has been unfaithful. You may go into shock and when that begins to wear off you feel the rage.
Unfortunately many of us have been there. Some of us may want to do the revenge route; others may just want to kick our partner out and never see them again. Yet if we can think more rationally we also realize that we have possibly a history with this person that is worth preserving and that we in some way may have also contributed to the infidelity. This is when being opened to forgiveness can become the necessary healing force to bring people together.
How can we forgive a betrayal that can run so deeply in our hearts? We begin by telling our story to people who will listen and support us. We listen to our anger and ask ourselves, what is our anger really telling us. If we look deeply enough we will realize that our anger is telling us that something as to change, usually within ourselves. We also need to deal with our guilt, that horrible feeling that we sometimes feel within the pit of our stomach. Guilt is all of the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves. We need to remember that holding on to these feelings is a choice too. If we realize that we have done something wrong we acknowledge it and make a commitment to ourselves that now that we have seen something in ourselves that we want to chance we now can begin to make different choices. Then we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and ask ourselves, what has brought that person to the place they are which brought them to act that way. In asking this question we are able to develop a clearer understanding of what may have happened. We will also need to mourn what was lost, the trust we once had and release that pain in whatever way speaks to us. Hopefully at this point we are able to sit down and talk to the other person. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their actions and their emotional responses. By doing your inner work you will be able to set the stage for what is best for you to do and heal the relationship. This kind of clarity will help you make the right choices, not out of anger but out of understanding so you can move forward in a healthy way. This is what forgiveness enables us to do.
Unfortunately many of us have been there. Some of us may want to do the revenge route; others may just want to kick our partner out and never see them again. Yet if we can think more rationally we also realize that we have possibly a history with this person that is worth preserving and that we in some way may have also contributed to the infidelity. This is when being opened to forgiveness can become the necessary healing force to bring people together.
How can we forgive a betrayal that can run so deeply in our hearts? We begin by telling our story to people who will listen and support us. We listen to our anger and ask ourselves, what is our anger really telling us. If we look deeply enough we will realize that our anger is telling us that something as to change, usually within ourselves. We also need to deal with our guilt, that horrible feeling that we sometimes feel within the pit of our stomach. Guilt is all of the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves. We need to remember that holding on to these feelings is a choice too. If we realize that we have done something wrong we acknowledge it and make a commitment to ourselves that now that we have seen something in ourselves that we want to chance we now can begin to make different choices. Then we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and ask ourselves, what has brought that person to the place they are which brought them to act that way. In asking this question we are able to develop a clearer understanding of what may have happened. We will also need to mourn what was lost, the trust we once had and release that pain in whatever way speaks to us. Hopefully at this point we are able to sit down and talk to the other person. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their actions and their emotional responses. By doing your inner work you will be able to set the stage for what is best for you to do and heal the relationship. This kind of clarity will help you make the right choices, not out of anger but out of understanding so you can move forward in a healthy way. This is what forgiveness enables us to do.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Forgiveness Tips for the Holidays
Tip - Do Not Take Things Personally!
The holidays are upon us and with all the good cheer we want to be part of, there is also a lot of stress. This can be especially true when families get together.
With all the love and joy families can bring, many of our not so pleasant emotions can get triggered. If we can step back and see what is causing our discomfort it is usually because we have taken things too personally.
If someone annoys us or makes us angry more often than not we are adding to our own distress because of the meaning we have put on the situation. We have made certain assumptions about what is going on about that person which more often than not our not true. We very often mis-perceive the situation because we are looking at things from our own often misguided perceptions. This is part of our human patterning. We tend to view things from our ego stance, our own filters which color what we see. We have forgotten to put ourselves in that other persons shoes to understand what is going on inside of them and why they are behaving in a certain way. We have also not realized that no matter who would be in our shoes at that moment would be treated in the same way we are presently.
So to help us in having less stress this holiday season, remember not to take things personally. Give the gift of compassion and understanding to others. Isn't this what the holiday season is really about - the gift of peace and harmony?
The holidays are upon us and with all the good cheer we want to be part of, there is also a lot of stress. This can be especially true when families get together.
With all the love and joy families can bring, many of our not so pleasant emotions can get triggered. If we can step back and see what is causing our discomfort it is usually because we have taken things too personally.
If someone annoys us or makes us angry more often than not we are adding to our own distress because of the meaning we have put on the situation. We have made certain assumptions about what is going on about that person which more often than not our not true. We very often mis-perceive the situation because we are looking at things from our own often misguided perceptions. This is part of our human patterning. We tend to view things from our ego stance, our own filters which color what we see. We have forgotten to put ourselves in that other persons shoes to understand what is going on inside of them and why they are behaving in a certain way. We have also not realized that no matter who would be in our shoes at that moment would be treated in the same way we are presently.
So to help us in having less stress this holiday season, remember not to take things personally. Give the gift of compassion and understanding to others. Isn't this what the holiday season is really about - the gift of peace and harmony?
Monday, July 30, 2007
A Victim's Forgiveness that is Inspiring
I recently read a story in the Hearld (UK) about a young man in Edinburgh who went out with a friend to a nightclub one evening to go drinking. At three in the morning the two men walked to the George IV Bridge. They were laughing anc carrying on when one of them picked up a traffic cone and threw it over a railing of the bridge falling to the street below. A young Irish woman was on that street visiting with a friend when her life dramatically changed in an instant. The cone knocked her unconscious and paralyzed her. She ended up with a broken leg, a fractured skull and three broken vertebrae. The doctors feared that she would never walk again.
The case did go to court. The man did not go to jail but was ordered to carry out 180 hours of community service. One may ask "why did the judge not jail him?" It was because of the injured woman's plea to spare this man of prison. She also said that"I have forgiven this man and decided in the first few days that I wasn't going to be angry with him and was going to focus my energies on getting better." She showed great courage.
What can we learn from this woman? Research has shown us that when we hold on to anger and hate it can affect our bodies in a very negative way sending hormones in our body which raise our blood pressure and affect our cardiovascular system and other systems negatively as well. When we chose to forgive the opposite is true. In such cases forgiveness is a very pragmatic approach to life and one that this woman chose to take. On a deeper level this woman transcended her bitterness and handed this man a second chance to make a better life. What an incredible act of grace that only someone who has experienced the power of forgiveness can do.
Eileen Borris
author of Finding Forgiveness
dreileenborris.com
The case did go to court. The man did not go to jail but was ordered to carry out 180 hours of community service. One may ask "why did the judge not jail him?" It was because of the injured woman's plea to spare this man of prison. She also said that"I have forgiven this man and decided in the first few days that I wasn't going to be angry with him and was going to focus my energies on getting better." She showed great courage.
What can we learn from this woman? Research has shown us that when we hold on to anger and hate it can affect our bodies in a very negative way sending hormones in our body which raise our blood pressure and affect our cardiovascular system and other systems negatively as well. When we chose to forgive the opposite is true. In such cases forgiveness is a very pragmatic approach to life and one that this woman chose to take. On a deeper level this woman transcended her bitterness and handed this man a second chance to make a better life. What an incredible act of grace that only someone who has experienced the power of forgiveness can do.
Eileen Borris
author of Finding Forgiveness
dreileenborris.com
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