Forgiving Bernie Madoff

Bernie Madoff, the mastermind behind one of the greatest financial frauds has been given the maximum sentence allowed for what many are saying is an extremely evil crime. People cheered and so many people are suffering because of his actions. So why am I writing about forgiveness - something which is probably the furthest thing from peoples minds. The reason - I do not want to see any more suffering. Yes, Bernard Madoff needs to pay for his crime and he is. The rest of his life will be in a jail cell. Many victims also feel that they have a jail sentence when they have to stand on line with food stamps feeling as though they will never be able to enjoy life again.

What is overlooked is that when we hold hatred and anger in our hearts that exacts a price on us. What cannot been seen by those who are victimized is that wanting an eye for an eye only means more blindness. Madoff cannot give those he stole from their money back and restore their hopes and dreams. It is now up to the victims to start a new day. It is up to them if they want to move on to more hopefulness or hold on to anger and regret. Yes, the path to forgiveness and hope is a much harder path to take even when Madoff has gotten the sentence he deserves. And yes, his sentence does not pay the bills or put food on the table. It is easier to get angry about these things but think about this. Do you want to be a victim twice over? Are you still willing to give Bernie Madoff power to hurt you while he is sitting in his jail cell? Yes, people have made a huge mistake for trusting Madoff and he is in prison now. Nothing more can be done. His freedom and luxurious life has been taken away. Madoff is being held accountable for his actions.

When we think of forgiveness we think of letting someone off the hook. This is not what forgiveness is about. Forgiveness is about healing ourselves so we can have peace of mind. It doesn't come easy yet the gift of forgiveness is not for the perpetrator but for the victim. Pragmatically forgiveness is an act of self-interest. So many times people are afraid to forgive because they do think of forgiveness as letting a person off the hook. We all need to recognize that by focusing on our anger we are inflicting more on ourselves, our bodies, our souls, our relationships - everything that is important to us. That too is a very hefty price for our hatred towards Madoff. Our anger and hatred will slowly kill us. Our self-interest comes in when the victim realizes that the best thing to do is to let go of all the pain and anger and embrace life again. Our greatest revenge is to live life well again.

Don't try to Forgive!

I was reading something very interesting about forgiveness the other day. It's message was don't work at forgiving. I smiled wondering what was going to be said next. The true meaning of forgiveness is about changing our thinking which in effect is undoing the way we think now. It is a shift from the way our ego wants to see the world, through what we think is important to us, our wants and needs or seeing the world through our anger or fear. When we truly learn how to forgive we make a decision to see the world differently. The way we achieve this is by undoing what we normally tend to do. How do we do this? You sit quietly and just observe your thoughts and behaviors. Just simple watch without judgment. Over time you will see that the choices and thoughts you have are not what you really want if you truly want to be happy. Ken Wapnick, a psychologist who teaches the profoundness of "A Course In Miracles" and runs the Foundation for A Course in Miracles once commented "Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are filled with sweetness and light. It means you forgive yourself for being filled with anger and hatred." It is by seeing what we do not want to see in ourselves that we begin to heal. When we do that we can begin to make other choices which is how we begin to forgive ourselves.

Forgiveness Tips for the Holidays

Tip - Do Not Take Things Personally!

The holidays are upon us and with all the good cheer we want to be part of, there is also a lot of stress. This can be especially true when families get together.

With all the love and joy families can bring, many of our not so pleasant emotions can get triggered. If we can step back and see what is causing our discomfort it is usually because we have taken things too personally.

If someone annoys us or makes us angry more often than not we are adding to our own distress because of the meaning we have put on the situation. We have made certain assumptions about what is going on about that person which more often than not our not true. We very often mis-perceive the situation because we are looking at things from our own often misguided perceptions. This is part of our human patterning. We tend to view things from our ego stance, our own filters which color what we see. We have forgotten to put ourselves in that other persons shoes to understand what is going on inside of them and why they are behaving in a certain way. We have also not realized that no matter who would be in our shoes at that moment would be treated in the same way we are presently.

So to help us in having less stress this holiday season, remember not to take things personally. Give the gift of compassion and understanding to others. Isn't this what the holiday season is really about - the gift of peace and harmony?

A father's Forgiveness

I am always thankful to see the story of Azim Khamisa which I find so inspiring. I first heard about the story in 1995 and what touched me most was Azim's comment, "there were victims at both ends of the gun." Azim already was demonstrating the kind of thinking that each one of us should strive for - choosing to see the world not from the eys of our anger, but through the eyes of understanding. Azim demonstrated so much compassion inspite of his pain and grief. He understood that healing was needed for all those concerned and what inspires me most is that he has dedicated his entire life since the tragedy to do just that.