Forgiving the Affair - Again

You love one another, so you really believed. Then the realization hits. Your significant other has cheated on you. You feel shaky inside, sick to your stomach wondering why did this ever happen to you. Anger and possibly anxiety begin to well up inside as you wonder what your next steps should be.

We have choices as to how to handle infidelity. Situations like this do not happen in a vacuum and always involve some form of healing and ultimately if you really want peace of mind, forgiveness can take you down that path.

Learning how to forgive the affair means that you are willing to let go of your anger and hatred. Here are some suggestions to help in healing your pain.

Don’t go through the pain alone. Talk to people who are supportive and will help you in a positive way.

Speak honestly to your significant other about what happened and especially about those difficult feelings and needs that both of you have that might not be getting met.

Recognize the importance of rebuilding the lost trust and love. If this can not happen it is telling you something about the relationship which you need to face and deal with. If you can not trust your partner there is no relationship.

Put yourself in each others shoes. This will give you a better understanding of why something like this happened. Again, you may not like what you see but it will give you a greater understanding of what may have happened and what brought your significant other to act unfaithfully. This understanding sets the stage for forgiveness to take place.

Allow yourself to mourn. Betrayals run deep and they hurt. Until you allow yourself to feel the pain, you will not be able to move past it and rebuild your life. No one wants to feel pain and the paradox is once you walk through that door the pain dissipates.

If you have worked through the difficult emotions and in your heart you truly want to forgiven you will get the help you need in what ever way this help speaks to you.

Remember that forgiveness is about your inner healing, not about letting someone else off the hook. You can forgive and chose not to stay in the relationship. The goal of forgiveness is about your inner peace. If your actions are motivated by compassion and understanding you will gain a greater clarity and wisdom in what is best for you and your relationship.

Forgiveness, Relationships and Marriage

Relationships and marriage are not easy. They take work to cultivate. Most often well meaning people come together and may not have the skills or the role models to know how to have a good marriage or relationship. As a psychologist and someone who gives coaching sessions and counsels people with relationship difficulties two golden rules come to mind. Remember to do 5 acts of kindness a day and to practice forgiveness. When we are kind to one another our emotional bonds become stronger and our emotional "reserves" with one another begins to build. None of us are perfect and this is where forgiveness comes in. We are all human and make mistakes. One of the greatest gifts we can give each other is to love one another unconditionally, recognizing that our judgments cloud the way we see each other. Forgiving one another helps us let go of our judgments and live happier, healthier lives.

Forgiveness Tips for the Holidays

Tip - Do Not Take Things Personally!

The holidays are upon us and with all the good cheer we want to be part of, there is also a lot of stress. This can be especially true when families get together.

With all the love and joy families can bring, many of our not so pleasant emotions can get triggered. If we can step back and see what is causing our discomfort it is usually because we have taken things too personally.

If someone annoys us or makes us angry more often than not we are adding to our own distress because of the meaning we have put on the situation. We have made certain assumptions about what is going on about that person which more often than not our not true. We very often mis-perceive the situation because we are looking at things from our own often misguided perceptions. This is part of our human patterning. We tend to view things from our ego stance, our own filters which color what we see. We have forgotten to put ourselves in that other persons shoes to understand what is going on inside of them and why they are behaving in a certain way. We have also not realized that no matter who would be in our shoes at that moment would be treated in the same way we are presently.

So to help us in having less stress this holiday season, remember not to take things personally. Give the gift of compassion and understanding to others. Isn't this what the holiday season is really about - the gift of peace and harmony?